Letting Go of “You Ought To” and Embracing Grace: How Romans 14 Transformed My Relationships

Discover the freedom in accepting others without judgment and letting God be the ultimate guide.

I was the king of the “You OUGHT to…” statements. Whether it was how people should spend their weekends, what they ate, or what music they listened to, I always had an opinion. But one day, God tapped me on the shoulder through Romans 14, and I realized: it wasn’t my job to tell others how to live. Instead, my role was to enjoy each person, appreciate our differences, and let God handle the rest. Spoiler alert—life got a lot more fun after that!

Guarding My Heart, Not Yours

It hit me that while I had been so focused on what others�ought�to do, I had neglected to protect my own heart and mind. Proverbs 4:23 (NLT) says, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” This was a wake-up call. It wasn’t about pointing fingers at someone else’s choices—whether they watched a certain movie or played a video game I didn’t approve of—it was about what I allowed into my own heart. I started focusing on living in a way that kept me aligned with God’s purpose, without trying to play moral referee for everyone else.

No More “You Ought To”: Loving Without Limits

Romans 14:1 (NLT) reminds us, “Accept other believers who are weak in faith, and don’t argue with them about what they think is right or wrong.” This completely shifted my perspective. I began to see that all those “You OUGHT to” thoughts were rooted in judgment rather than love. My job wasn’t to make people fit my mold but to love them for who they are. I stopped saying, “You ought to avoid that show,” or “You ought to stop eating that,” and started saying, “How can I enjoy and support you right where you are?”

One friend of mine, for example, chooses not to eat meat for spiritual reasons. In the past, I might have thought, “You ought to lighten up!” But now, instead of seeing her choice as something I needed to fix, I just appreciated the conviction behind it. Romans 14:3 (NLT) says, “Those who feel free to eat anything must not look down on those who don’t.” It’s about honoring the person, not changing them.

Enjoying Each Other, Letting God Be the Judge

Romans 14:13 (NLT) puts it perfectly: “Let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall.” I stopped feeling responsible for correcting others’ choices and realized I could simply enjoy our differences. If someone’s way of living doesn’t match mine, that’s okay! We’re all accountable to God, not each other.

Instead of focusing on what others�ought�to do, I started asking myself, “How can I bring more love and joy into our relationship?” Whether it’s sharing a meal, attending a Sunday service, or simply having a deep conversation, I’ve found that life is a lot richer when I allow God to be the ultimate judge. After all, He knows the heart better than I ever could.

Freeing Myself From Judgment

The freedom I’ve gained from letting go of judgment is profound. I’m no longer weighed down by the need to control or “fix” others. Romans 14:17 (NLT) says, “For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we eat or drink, but of living a life of goodness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” That’s where the joy is—in living out love and letting God handle the rest. By shifting my focus from judgment to joy, I’ve experienced more peace in my relationships, and I’m grateful for it every day.

Summary

Romans 14 taught me the beauty of letting go of “You ought to…” and embracing a life where love, grace, and unity take center stage. Rather than focusing on correcting others, I now focus on enjoying the people around me and trusting God to guide us all. It’s amazing how much more joyful life becomes when we let God be the judge and simply love one another.